Sunday, November 01, 2015

Let it Pass you by

So yesterday I was delivered. It was the most amazing thing. Ok, I'm hyping this up. But really. I'm Catholic, by birth (My Mom is Catholic, My Grandmother etc) but I'm not a practicing Catholic. I received all the sacraments but focused more on the ritual, rather then the relationship. In Catholicism we focus (by focus I mean we just mention it in passing, but its taboo) more on exorcism, which is really deliverance. However when exorcism is mentioned (for those who have not studied the word), what comes to mind are demons and monsters, etc.  Not bondage, yokes, familiar spirits, soul ties, and or generational curses. We don't talk about those things. Truly though, service is only an hour, so how could one really get so much crammed into an hour. Mind you, this is my personal experience, and shouldn't be placed as the measure of all Catholic churches. This post is more about the individual and them taking steps to develop their relationship with God. God uses many tools, people, and resources.

Anyway, a few years ago, when I felt a lack of growth and a lack of fulfillment,  I started trying to talk to God. I had overcome and been freed from craziness in my life, had a great job (with the top firm in the country), had the salary to match, a great one bedroom hardwood floor (with a eat-in kitchen, sunken bathtub) close to the city, money in savings, great credit score (finally touched 700's), the blog was poppin, I traveled, BUT. I was lacking. Do you know it's possible for God to deliver you, but you not get the memo. Truly what's the point of being delivered physically, if spiritually, emotionally, within your heart you refuse to let it go.

So yea, God had revealed what I was stuck in, and lifted me from it, but I didn't ask to be lifted. And while I now had a prosperous life, all I wanted to do was go back to the previous chapter in my life. I thought that life was Life, mind you I was miserable in it. But I had placed my faith, my heart, and my soul in to it. So who was I without it. Now I have to take a serious pause, and thank my Mom for her unceasing level of prayer. It was not by my strength or my will. It was through my Mom's intercession to God that has brought me to this level today. I'm really very blessed. My Mom's spiritual strength and faith surpasses time as it pertains to me and my siblings. Her faith to God, is what guided me to God. I admit she had been faithful for years, and finally just one day it clicked. Actually it wasn't just a day, it was more along the lines of, things aren't working out for me. I'm miserable, why don't I just try what my Mom has been doing. Why not. What's there to lose. So Boom.

Back to the story. Once God shuts the door on something, it's shut! Thank God for that! So God closed up, cemented, ignited dynamite to that part of my life. And now here I was in the abyss. I was comfortable financially, but barren (Not literally). I was mature enough to know, dating or clinging to a dude would not fulfill that level of emptiness, but that surely didn't stop me from seeking momentary distraction (I lacked discipline). Let me tell you, anyone who tells you sex will fulfill you, make you feel whole and complete is a liar. Rather as a woman, can't speak for men, when you "give" yourself to someone, your doing just that. So imagine you meet someone, feeling 70 percent whole, you have relations with them, and now you've left a piece of you with them, so you leave that encounter now 65 percent whole. Then after a few hours, days, weeks, whenever that momentary high escapes you, what's left is a lesser you. This is a spiritual transaction.

Now (Man or Woman) you go chasing that momentary fulfillment, in hopes of it giving you eternal fulfillment. But ain't that crazy, we walk into it, setting ourselves up for failure and you know it. But that just speaks to a lack of understanding whose you are. God paid a price for you. With that comes an inheritance, of which your are entitled to. God is not a God of the momentary. He is a God that goes beyond the definition of time, time is a limitation on man and man alone. So for you to think, all your worthy of is momentary satisfaction and not entitled to eternal life, complete satisfaction, speaks to a lack of knowing thyself.

Ok, fine, bet. Money, men, shoes (love them shoes boy), family, friends and all other things weren't cutting it. I started going to church, even went to talk to the priests and nuns, but nothing. So I started looking at what my Mom was doing. At that point she had been at least 5 years in with calling the prayer line. So, I gave it a go. As the lord would have it, their 70 day fast coincided with the time I elected to participate. So hear I go fasting for 70 days and all. Now I'll admit, I did more of the fasting then I did the praying. But I was convicted in my soul, and God was patient with me. So he respected me, and wooed me at my pace and at my time. Mhm! Won't he do it. God is a gentlemen, who respects you, so why would he bring you a man who doesn't...

As I continued to listen to the prayer line, here goes my Mom again sending me inspirational sermons to start my day. Commanding your Morning by Cindy Trimm was the first one. If that doesn't encourage you, then I don't know. So to catch you up to speed, at this point, God and I were dating. He wasn't my Man, and I wasn't his Girl (pssh, I was always his Girl!). With us dating, and me getting to know God, I walked out in faith and left my job, had applied to grad school, but kept deferring my start date due to that same job.

Now, I hadn't mentioned it, but one of my frustrations was with my career, the environment, and my role. I knew there was more for me, but I felt stuck. I applied for a whole slew of jobs, but nothing came through. Even those positions that were offering less money. Through my relationship with God, I gained the courage to leave my job, head back to school, and move back home. So at this point I was knocking on thirty. Not quite the place I thought I'd be in. However, God gave me the grace to endure, and to perceive my position as an opportunity rather then a setback or failure.

So my Mom texts me this sermon, I listen to it, and head to school. While at school my spirit is strong, she wants to study, but every time I'd sit and try to focus, I couldn't. I didn't have the patience, nor was I retaining what I would study. Essentially I'd spend an eight hour day at school, and not accomplish anything.

So here comes your boy, Jesus. Hey Chanda, why don't you listen to Cindy Trimm's sermon. You know you listen to her in the mornings, why not try listening now. Alright, I turn on the sermon, but it's only 5 minutes long. So I start to google other sermons she has. Through searching for her, I come across TD Jakes. Mmh Girl! That changed everything for me. He has sermons upon sermons accessible via YouTube, on his own site etc. I got obsessed and started to binge watch. What I found, was that I was able to focus and study, while having his sermons on in the background. My spirit was still. For sure, listening to his sermons, made the bible more attractive to me. I couldn't relate to the bible prior, but through his interpretation the bible became home. To be frank though, all I cared about was being able to complete my school work, and do well on my exams. The sermons gave me the avenue to achieve this.

As I'm going through this process, listening to the sermons and all, I become more curious about God, and  start searching for more TD Jakes sermons, but can't find any that I haven't watched, I then come across bible study at the Potters House. Initially I was resistant, because the preacher wasn't TD Jakes. But it was never about TD Jakes, lol. It was always about God. So something in my spirit convinced me to listen. Low and behold, I start actively studying the bible. Keep in mind, I'm still listening to the prayer line - Mountain of fire Ministries, TD Jakes sermons , and now Bible study. Anyway this post is super long. I'll stop here, and continue on later this week.

Thanks for making it through. Imagine I've read this more then 10 times checking for errors, lol.


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