Sunday, November 15, 2015

The Struggle

In the Gospel Jesus prophesied to Peter. He tells him, Peter the devil desires to have you, but I've prayed for you, and once you have sinned, your faith will overcome it.

Luke 22: 31-32

I've paraphrased this part of scripture. A little background, Jesus is with his disciples and speaks to Peter (Simon). He tells Peter that the devil sees the glory in him and therefore wants to devour him. Jesus being Jesus knows that Peter will succumb to the devil through sin by denying his relationship with God.  However Jesus has prayed for him. He prays that through Peter's faith in Jesus, he overcomes sin. Note he doesn't pray that Peter avoids sin, or doesn't fall into sin altogether. Peter will fall into it, but through his faith he will overcome it.

Now today, I totally broke down. Like I hate you God, I'm angry with you, why why why. etc. I had a moment y'all. In the midst of my breakdown, because sometimes shit gets real, I remembered this scripture, and asked God if he has also prayed for me. In moments like this, sadly more often then we know, we go to a dark place. A no holds bar, I see no hope type of dark space. Where you entertain thoughts, that you typically wouldn't, and most wouldn't even associate with you. But to be really transparent, there's something in each of our lives, that given some attention, to whatever degree, can take you there. And the struggle is real. For all parties involved, particularly for those who have turned to God, developed a relationship with him, moved closer to him, but yet find themselves in this dark place. Where do you go, who do you talk to. I chose salvation but I'm feeling like I'm in hell.

Yea. So I had my moment, and as quickly as it overcame me, truth be told I'd been sulking all day, that scripture and of course Jesus dying for us answered my question. But what was my question truly. As I reflect, I realize, it was never a question of Jesus loving me enough, but rather a question of me loving myself enough to deem myself worthy to have been saved by Jesus.

Ok, so what took me there in the first place. Besides arresting my thoughts, what seeds were planted within me? I already knew the answer to that. It was a conversation I had about a life partner. Through that conversation I felt pressured to settle with someone my spirit told me no to, but to appease others I started considering it. I felt backed into a corner, and even felt a little manipulated, as in if I didn't go that route, that was it for me and a life partner. The devil is a liar, isn't he. Through that conversation, I started to question, what is the point of being obedient to God, if your not happy now...

In choosing to have a relationship with God, there's a constant struggle, between immediate gratification and spiritual peace. So often I struggle with this, but in addition I also struggle with maintaining spiritual peace. As you grow in relationship with God, your challenged to stretch yourself spiritually. So there's always some level of conflict trying to take you out of alignment with God. The key is to focus on on your faith.

Some takeaways:

1. Whenever someone has a word for you from God, it is and should be a confirmation of what you already know (as in God has revealed it to you). Assuming you have a relationship with God. So meaning it won't be brand new, nor should it contradict what God has told you. If it does, it ain't for you.

2. Continue to develop your relationship with God, so that you can recognize him when he speaks.

3.  Know that God is a Gentlemen. If he doesn't impose himself on you, to receive and accept him. Why would he bring someone (a life partner) into your life, that would impose themselves on you.

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