Friday, February 26, 2016

Boots in an over-sized Box

Those boots are meant for walking, lol.

Alright so for some lighter posts. I bought a pair of boots yesterday. I'm really into them. If you've been keeping up with the blog, I've been in search of some quality boots this season. I actually had my eyes on a pair of Saint Laurent boots. For now those are aspirational.

Anyway, we are at the tail end of January Clearance, in February :-). I've been keeping my eyes open for end of season deals. So I hit up the outlets, and found a number of boots, some even under 100. But when I saw the boots above, the others pale in comparison.

What I found interesting though was my need to buy something. lol. Lord knows I don't want to say that. Ok, so when I first got to the shoe section, I found some cute leather boots, they ranged in price from 90 - 150. Which is a solid price. But looking at the quality of the leather, and craftsmanship, I could tell that the boots would not last a season. Especially if I wore them the way I wear boots. Now although I was hesitant, I convinced myself that the 90 dollar boot was a great price that I couldn't walk away from. Where are you going to get a tall boot that's all leather at that price. I tried on the shoe twice. Imagined myself sashaying about in what's left of this season.

I almost sold myself on them, but went back to the shoe aisle to check out other options, just in case I missed something. In fact alongside the cute 90 dollar boots, I also had a pair of peep toe booties. I liked the booties more then the boots. So I'm in the aisle, and at the bottom I lock eyes with the boots, in an over-sized box. As soon as I saw them, I knew. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true. So moments before we locked eyes (ok boots don't have eyes, lol), I locked eyes with a pair of salmon colored mules- they were Manolos. Just looking at the shoe, you could tell it was a quality pair. And no not because of the name, it was more the style, quality of the suede, and and the spring like color. And as I looked at the mules, I thought to myself why settle for shoes that you don't love. You like a hot shoe, a shoe that's a head turner. But here I am settling for these boots because of the price. I'm not getting the quality, style or design that I'm looking for. So I put down the mule, with the 90 dollar boot and booties in the other hand turned around to check out the other shoes. Then in that instance I discovered the Frye boots. I could just tell by looking at them, that they were a good quality.

I immediately dropped all the other shoes, I placed them in the over-sized box, and grabbed the Frye boots. There was no price listed on them, so I took them to the salesman to inquire. But truth be told whatever the price was, I was getting them. I knew they worth the money. So the salesman came back, and says they're 300, rounding up, lol. I said ok, and took them. Now I certainly didn't intend to spend double of what I budgeted for, but for me it was worth it.

So question ladies, in our dating lives. How often do you find yourself settling with a 90 dollar man, because you have the urge to be with someone. Or you feel lonely.  How often do you tie yourself to a man who might not meet your needs, share your values, or even make you happy. But because you have that urge you settle with them, just to have someone. When you see them, or think about them, your unsure, you question if they're the right fit for you, you find yourself still looking else where to make sure you haven't missed someone else, someone better.

On the flip side ladies, are you someones 90 dollar shoe, lol. Are you that shoe, that someone is contemplating buying for a season, just to have a shoe. You do realize once they discover that quality shoe, there's no question in their mind as to whether they'd buy that shoe. In laymen terms, whatever hurdle they need to cross for that quality women, they'll cross it, because God has revealed to them that, that's their quality prize.


Root Canal - HIV- & a Mammogram

Alright. Let's start this post with Thanking God for all his wonderful mercies and grace. This month I got a root canal, tested negative for HIV and had to get a mammogram for a lump in my breast. Which was found to be benign. Talk about an emotional beginning to the new year. So it had been a few years since I last tested myself for stds. Yea I know, I should have been more diligent with that. Although I've been celibate for the past two years, prior to that I wasn't. So I connected with a close friend this week who encouraged me to get tested, and so I did. To be truly candid this had been a weight pulling me down, that I had pushed way back in my mind. I just couldn't come to terms with the possibilities of the results. Which is valid but crazy. The worse thing to do, is to ignore an issue. The more educated you are about things, health in this instance, the more empowered you become in making better decisions. To be even more transparent, being an adult sucks, lmao. Ok, seriously it does, ha.

I digress. After the month is all said and done, and the news or outcome has been Good. I'm tired. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Going through the process, emotions, and anxiety really takes a toll on you. Through it all, I definitely got a sense of my mortality. And imagine I have a fairly decent relationship with God. But during that process of the unknown, I felt tortured. I tried to get closer to God, by doing my usual - listening to the Bible, speaking to God, reminding myself that with him there's peace... But in the midst of it, fear and anxiety took hold of me.

This isn't easy, no one ever said life would be. But I can't imagine what that walk would be like without God. I just can't. I fell to pieces and I'm so grateful that I have the ultimate companion walking beside me. I'm so blessed beyond measure. It's got nothing to do with material things. It's my spirit. Don't get caught up in the fluff.

So I feel I have to address the two levels of torture I felt. With the lump in my breast I felt helpless. I kept asking God, this can't be it. You have the final say, like please don't let this be. I felt more like a victim. With the HIV test I felt guilt and shame, more along the lines of my actions are causing this. In a sense a justified punishment. And I'm not too sure how to address either especially the latter. But I'll focus on it. Through the crucifixion of Jesus we were made whole. Our Past, Current, and Future sins were forgiven, and we have received salvation and are in relationship with God. When God forgives you of your sins, he doesn't hold on to it. In fact for his sake (I'd say more for ours), he forgets them. So while I was waiting for my results, I was punishing myself, and reliving the guilt and shame of my sins over and over again; judging and condemning myself. When the truth of the matter is, that God has forgiven me, a long time ago. Before I was even born, on that cross.

And although I want to end this blog by saying, if its God's will that I were diagnosed in either or both cases with an illness, even after repenting (if I needed to repent for any sins known or unknown), I can't because I 'd be lying. I take authority over my health, and reject all iniquities and infirmities and arrows shot towards me, or deposits made into me by the enemy. That is not my portion.

I'm not sure if this post helped anyone. But I want to thank my family for their support, and friends who were open with me in discussing things they've gone through health-wise. Their transparency gave me strength.


Thursday, February 25, 2016

Dolce Gabbana

Alright. So the Grammy's have come and gone. However one moment that I loved was that of Sam Hunt.

The fit, color, was banana's. Seriously.


Good Morning,

I can't quite articulate what I'm feeling and seeing manifest. But I know I'm growing... I am developing through God. So today, keep your eyes on the prize. In fact everyday, keep your eyes on the prize. Don't lose track of who you are in Christ, of his promise, and of where you are going. Although the world might be saying contrary, your going somewhere beyond you. And God is in control.

Cheers (I totally wrote this- in the morning)

Frye Boots

Purchased: SaksOFF5th
Style: Above knee Leather Boots
Origin: Mexico

Friday, February 12, 2016

Jesus Ain't about Assuming

As I continue developing my relationship with God, I find myself bolder in conversation. For instance, when I meet a guy, and we're getting to know each other, off the bat I ask him about his relationship with God, or if he even believes in God. That's one of my core values, off the bat deal breaker. So why beat around the bush. So, typically when I get a response, I'm shocked by the response. Let me explain. I've always believed in God. But I never had a relationship with God, until my late 20's. So when I dated, I always assumed that my partner of interest held the same fundamental beliefs, especially as it pertained to Christianity. Unless the person followed a non Christian faith. Then in that insistence that wasn't an option that I elected. So here I am dating and assuming that we are in alignment in believing in Jesus.

Let's think about what I just said. I counted guys out if they followed another religion besides Christianity. But if the guy was ambiguous about his beliefs, or we just never discussed it, he was a potential suitor based on my assumptions, which break down to ignorance on my part. Thus when I date now, and I ask about religious beliefs, and hear all sorts of answers (trust me some very different types of responses), I'm floored at the fact that in the past I might have exposed myself to demonic followers, those who are heavily connected to their ancestral spirits, principalities and or strongholds. No disrespect to anyone, that's just not for me.

God is very transparent and clear. There's no in between with God. He is. And that's that. With that said it's either you believe or you don't. This post is more a reflection on me and my "blissful ignorance". Be careful. If your reading this blog, I'm assuming you have some relationship with God, and with that comes revelation. If you've just stumbled on this, ask questions, lol. Not to me, but to God. And if your seeing someone, or around a particular situation, don't just assume. Ask questions.

Cheers - Happy Lent!

Defining Yourself


So I'm spending my Friday night watching Ted Talks.  One particular speaker, Amma Asante, really resonated with me. She spoke about the power of defining yourself. The premise of the talk was to encourage each of us to define ourselves as oppose to allowing society to dictate who we are or who we should be. Although this might be a stretch, what came to mind is a struggle I've been having at work. I have various acquaintances. However I tend to gravitate towards colleagues who are of African decent. For me, those with similar cultural similarities are easier to identify with, simply because its familiar.

However the issue with this is complacency. We, by we I mean me, close ourselves from what is different, and in the grander scheme of things limit our level of growth. Just because something is similar or familiar doesn't imply it's the best thing for you. In fact I've challenged myself to stretch beyond my level of comfort. Now I'm not saying to chuck your colleagues or friends aside. However, learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. And no, those of other races and ethnicities aren't necessarily standing with wide open arms looking to embrace the Black girl. And that's fine. That's their problem not yours. Go to work and to every environment with an open and objective mind.

Put yourself out there, and extend your hand. You might be surprised who extends theirs back. Now, I do think we need to stick with people who are thinkers, doers, innovators, dreamers, leaders, etc. Having progressive minds around is never a bad thing. Whatever package that comes in, embrace it.


Check out Amma Asante's Ted talk.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Ash Wednesday

Alright so, this Lenten season has come in with a kick. There has been some struggle for sure on my end. But thank God, for the ability to recognize distraction, for a calm disposition, and delivering us from all that want to consume us.

Just in case you didn't know, God is constant, consistent, and whole. No matter what is thrown your way, with God you will overcome, you will come through it. You will stand tall above all opposition, and will sing your song and dance your dance.

So this has been an interesting season. All I can say is God is growing me through the process. While in this place, I've been leaning on the book of Job. It's hard to complain when you read the book of Job, lol. It's been a reminder and source of encouragement in not falling subject to self pity, frustration, and all those other ugly spirits. Which I bind by fire in Jesus Name.

I encourage those, you, whomever is going through a confusing period to read the book of Job. Who ever has received unexpected news, received unexpected results, be faithful. Our God, your lord will turn them around. IJMN