Saturday, October 01, 2016

Be who you Desire. Be what you want to Receive!

I remember as a little girl, how I idolized beautiful dark skin Black Women. It's not that women of a different race, or of a lighter complexion lacked in beauty. It was simply, that I could easily identify with the features of dark skin Black Women. As a little girl, their shinning was my shinning. So, when I would encounter a beautiful dark skin Black Woman, be it within my family or other arenas, I'd have in my mind a vision of what type of relationship I wanted with them. I envisioned myself as their little sister, they supporting me, showing me the ropes etc. You get the point. A secondary Mommy, but more like the cool big sister.

As life would have it, for one reason or another, besides my Mom and my Sister, I never truly developed that type of relationship with the women I encountered. Rather, as I've gotten older, and broadened my perspective, I've developed that type of relationship in the most unexpected places, from a diverse group of women.

This taught me a few lessons:
1. Don't limit yourself to what you see, or what you know
2. Don't place expectations on others
3. Be open to people. Not just a particular set of people.

Back to the point at hand. Now in my 30's. I can accept the responsibility of having young girls look up to me. I say that because I've developed a stronger relationship with God, I've settled into a Church community, and I have a strong sense of self. Meaning, I'm good with being me, authentic me. Thus whomever I'm interacting with gets a fresh dose of Chanda, lol.

When I joined my church, I initially struggled to find my place or fit within that community. Namely because my church is predominately Yoruba. In fact, I still struggle. I'm Ibibio and have been raised in America. So, the interaction culturally is off. I try, but it's a relationship that will continue to develop with time and humility on my part.

With my struggles to fit in, I often perceived the church members to be judgmental towards me. I even thought that their kids were judging me. Now let's be honest, some of them probably were and still are, lol. But as I've spent more time within this community, I began to realize that some of the kids were watching me beyond judgment. Some of them we're just curious. Thus I had to change my reaction towards them, from a defensive standpoint, to one in which I would have wanted as a child. So long story short, if there's something that is deficient in your life, or someone missing from your life, be that something or someone for another person. You know best, how and what you wanted. So serve the people. Maybe God was intentional, so that you would know exactly what to give someone else, and would have the understanding of how it would feel to receive that gesture.