Friday, November 18, 2016

Lies you do tell

Hey Guys - Happy Friday!

Let me get right into it. I belong to a few private whatsapp groups. One being a women's support group. In that group we share experiences, put out petitions for prayers, vent out frustrations, and overall celebrate and enjoy each other. Well recently, my Uncle sent a video of a young girls response to Trump being president, to our family whatsapp chat. The video had me cracking up, so I decided to share it with the women's group. When I initially saw the video, I assumed it was a video of his inlaws. Knowing fully damn well I shouldn't be sharing family related items, I meant to tell the women's group  hey this is a video of my family please don't distribute. I didn't though. So when a member of the group commented on the video, I used it as an opportunity to say hey that's my niece. In my head implying please don't distribute. A few minutes later another member asks hey is that your niece, because I also have seen this video. I respond immediately on the defensive, yes. So now I'm like ok, it's my Uncles inlaws, but I don't want to have to explain who the family is and how they are related to my Uncles wife. I say instead it's close family friends. In my head I'm annoyed, that I have to go back to my Uncle to confirm. I go back to him and ask, hey is that Aunty so and so... He says no. Chai. Now I'm a straight up liar. I think to go back to the group and recant my statement. But to be honest I was completely embarrassed. Although some time has passed by, it's still bothering me. Essentially, my integrity has been diminished. What also irks me is the feeling that I can't just be transparent within the group and express exactly what I have expressed here on the blog. So in doing some soul searching, I have to redefine what I consider to be a safe space. Because when questioned, I automatically defaulted to a defensive posture, why? When I found out the truth I was reluctant to go back to the group and acknowdlege it.  I just didn't address it.

So I have to ask myself a few questions.
1. On a broader scale, can I be honest with those in my circle?
2. Can I make mistakes, be wrong and own up to them in front of those in my circle?
3. Can I be transparent with those in my circle ( the good, the bad, the ugly)?

Anyway, lesson learned. I'm still growing...

Cheers!