Dirty Thirty

Get Lucky

I have to tell you. Stranger things have happened. There's a story behind that, but let's talk about that later. We're up all night to get lucky. So I put in my resignation letter, and have been gone, out the door for a couple of weeks. I have to say, after that experience,  I've grown a lot. Not only in my expertise but in utilizing my resources, which includes professional relationships (most importantly). So I've started working on a new project where I need to learn multiple Summary Plan Descriptions (SPD's for short) within a short period of time. This new (New to me) company has several different Pension Plans. Now while that's not my primary job function, I need to have a firm grasp of the plan provisions in order to complete my job. So I reached out to my old Supervisor from Milwaukee. Now she and I were never close, but we had a good working relationship. Nonetheless I email her, hey hun congrats on the wedding, and ask for her advice on her approach to learning a ton of information in a short period of time. She gives me her suggestions and tips. Now, had this been a year or two ago, I wouldn't have reached out. And my reasoning would have been, she's not my friend, we're not super cool etc. (Silly, I know but honest). However after working in a no-nonsense Law firm, I was really able to separate personal feelings from the business relationship. Truth be told, in doing so, it allowed for me to develop better relationships with some of my colleagues. And in turn has also had an impact on how I interact with my former colleagues, and developing those relationships. I definitely have a different perspective then I had before. To that end, I'm also grateful for all my experiences, they were all necessary. And while at the time, it might have seemed as though I couldn't connect or relate to my colleagues. The interaction in itself created that common ground, which indirectly has transformed into the foundation of a relationship. So my advice, whenever separating from an organization, do so diplomatically :-). You just never know what or where life will take you. (Alright you'll its 2 am, and Crazy Love episode 44 should have posted in Korea now, so later!)

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6/5/13

Hey Guys, can you believe June is already here. This year is nearly half way done. What have you been up to? What have you accomplished thus far?

So I got to tell you, I put in my resignation letter at work. It was a tough decision to make, but at the end of the day, I think it was the right choice (I hope).
  
I'm registered for my classes this fall. I feel so crazy, lol. But you know what, at this particular juncture of my life, I have no dependents, no one to answer to, except for my Mom, Dad, and God. So why not. And although I'm 29, when I look back on this decision, I can always say: I was in my 20's, I was dumb. And that will perfectly be acceptable.

Next month I won't be able to say that, so I'll use it up for the duration of this month, and the first couple of weeks in July.

On the next note, I am really excited to turn 30. Truth be told, nothing will change. I'm sure how I feel today, will be how I feel then.

So, how do I plan to bring in 30? Well, I have a few ideas. For sure a nice intimate dinner was some close friends, some colleagues, and family. Nothing crazy, just a cool get together celebrating Me!

A trip to Canada. That's as exotic as it gets for me this year. But truth be told, I've been dying to go to Montreal, since last year. So Montreal, lets do this.

Besides these few things, I look forward to a chill week, with close friends and family. And of coarse I want to look fabulous throughout.

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4/16/13
Conversations with my family
I'm short tempered.
Impatient.
Snobby, Elitist and not Humble.
So you know what, I guess I am. I'll own it, lol. 
However, while these are descriptions of me, I do want to change some aspects, specifically the short temper, impatience and lack of humility. How far can one really go in life with these attributes?

So for me, I'm going to challenge myself to be more aware of my actions, and how they reflect those funky characteristics. But I'm not going to stop there, I also want to step away from those in my life who have similar attributes, and pray to have those who are not short tempered, who are patient, humble, and God fearing in my life. Because lets face it, you are the company you keep. Not to take away from what I also lack in character.

So hopefully in my next post, I can speak to the changes in me, and of the positive people in my life who add value to me personally and spiritually.

Also out of curiosity does anyone know how to pray? I mean I have my ideas of what it is, but I'm off and I need some guidance in that respect. I don't want to shout anyone out but Jennie, Lulu, Mary any thoughts lol?

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4/9/13

Hey Guys just dropping a note. This weeks lesson. Humility. So I've been stressed beyond belief at work, and I've reached that point of no return. Simply, we all have a threshold where you can tolerate things up to a certain point. And once that point has been passed, your now in survivor mode. I dare even say your particularly sensitive to anything that's said or done in the workplace. 

So for those that know me, once we've established a certain tone, it's hard for me to step back into the prior role I played in our working relationship. So I head home, tell my Mom about what's going on, oh Mom, their stressing me, I'm upset, I'm uncomfortable yadda yadda. 

She turns around and asks me, well Chanda what do you want to do. Are you ready to leave, do you want to stay? Then she says, Chanda regardless of what ever you decide, or feel, go to work, smile, be quiet, and just humble yourself. When you ready to go, if your ready to go, write a nice simple note thanking them for the opportunity and be on your way. Mothers :-)

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3/20/13



Hey Guys there have been some really great lessons learned these past few months. 1. getting rid of all the so so people in your life. Not just negative, but so so. You know those that you can't quite be yourself around. Consider yourselves chucked, lol.

2. Really keeping busy with things that your passionate about, that excite you, that make you curious, that you always wanted to explore.

3. Appreciating the awesome people in your life. Usually those that you don't consider awesome, because they are such a consistent staple in your life. Well, thank you!

4. Doing everything you pursue at 110 percent. Because it's not worth it, if you can't give your personal best, just saying.

5. Making Mikes Hard lemonade from lemons. Because there's always an opportunity, and always something to learn. Even when stuck between a rock and a hard place.

6. Finally, my family and friends have been hinting on me dating. Urg. So I've been in this weird place, where there's someone I enjoy, but, it just isn't working. Maybe it's timing. So I'm ready to re-shift my focus and energy, lol. Summers coming, so why not start focusing on mingling. We'll see, I'll keep you updated. But with spring and summer, and a shift on my focus, I've started to switch things up. Sort of giving myself some new footing. Started with the hair, some perfume...

See ya!

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1/27/13

Hey Guys, thought it was time for an update. But there is none, lol. I have to say, as time has progressed, I've learned to appreciate the controversies or levels of discomfort at work. Without them, I'd become complacent.


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12/29/2012

So I'm in love. Not sure, why or how. But I am. It sucks. I want and need things to be a certain way. And I know there's nothing I can do to make it so. I guess this is just one of those moments. I really wanted to take you through this wonderful journey to 30. But truth be told, I have to go through these growing pains to earn my stripes. So here we are again.

Some pluses to relationships heading into your 30's: Hopefully it's more honest. With that honesty it opens the door to many things. Intimacy for instance. For women, at least for me I've become really comfortable in my own skin, and then being with someone who your comfortable with, further elevates that level of intimacy. But don't get me wrong, this can be achieved at any age.

Being honest with yourself. That's the most important aspect. You know how we see a fancy toy, and we must play with it. But then you take a step back, and think oh shit, if I play with it, I wont finish my chores. But you say fuck it, I'm going to play with it.

But when your a little bit more grown up, you understand that if you waste that time playing with the toy, and don't get your chores done, then tomorrow morning you'll be paying for not doing the chores, by having to pay a fine and doing double the chores. So you weigh in your head, the pleasure felt playing with this toy against being miserable later. Because through past experiences you know you'll be miserable later, lol. So that's where that honesty with oneself comes along. Foresight.

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10-06-12

I got to tell you. My Thirty year old self, I guess I should say 29, not yet... thinks it's one of two ways. It's either- your complacent, or your productive. Progress has no time to complain, to vex, or to bs. I'm just saying. The energy it takes to do all of that can be better utilized on your game plan to success... As you get older, you either get into the mind set of accepting your circumstance, or that of making a path beyond it. Which one are you... 



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08-21-2012

Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly, they can't help but slip away. But at this point, I realize, that sometimes, in fact most times, it's really good to let them go. Not because, you might get it back, but for the simple reason of freeing yourself, from trying to make up for that missing piece.

Something my Mum said to me the other day. " Most people as they get older try to stay away from negativity, and drama". And shit, I agree! I find as time progresses, I shy away from people, or situations that seem too complex.

In fact as time goes on, things become really simple. Doesn't have to be hard at all.

There are somethings in life, that you so need to experience. If you haven't just yet. Its coming!
Yum.

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07-14-12

So I'm 29. And I am better today then I was yesterday. Life is such a blessing. I want to thank God for all my experiences even those that I hated. For they have paved the way to the new possibilities and opportunities. I want to say thanks and I love you to all my friends and family, especially if you haven't heard that from me in a while. So on that note, expect no Apologies from me, from this point forward. Because I intend to Live, purposely, passionately, through the depths of my bones, to the tips of my fingers. The days will be Great, terrible, calm cool, exciting, boring. But i will LIVE.

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You a Big Girl?

Man. Not what I was expecting, lol. So on my stages towards being Single, I've realized there is not much out there (within my circle), lol. Well let me take a step back. I've got great company, awesome girlfriends. But in terms of male companions, I need to expand my horizons. So what do I mean? Essentially what I was into when I was 24 is no longer what I'm into at 28. I just need more. Now, I'm not talking about a ring, babies and all that-Yet. I'm speaking more about companionship. Looking into someones soul, simplicity, the ease of just being.
Don't fool yourself into thinking that sex connects you to someone, there's something beyond the physical that infuses two souls, and that's the excitement of getting to know the soul beneath the vessel. From my opinion, sex is just more fulfilling when there's content behind it, lol.
So as 30 rears its ugly head, I can say confidently, I can spot things I don't want in my life very quickly, lol. I can distinguish between, whats fun, and for the moment compared to what's lasting.
And boy I swear, if I could find something that was fun, for the moment and lasting, I'd jump all over it, lol.
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Sexy Cocktails & Good Company

So last weekend I went to meet with a girl friend for a night out. When I got to her place she had a friend with her. Joe. Joe met me at the door with a smile and a Glass of Red Wine. You'd be surprised how the simplest things make your Week. But shit, it did. We all had great conversation, danced for a portion of the night, and just talked shit. The best time I've had in a while.
Ok so lessons for this week. Leave the Past in the Past. I have 2 Good reasons. But I won't list their names, lmao. My divorce has been looming over my head, on another note. I believe it will be finalized in a couple of months. This has been a tough time for me. It's a mixture of emotions, anger, hurt, the unknown, all uncharted territory after being domesticated (lol). None the less after my outing this weekend, I realized, well actually it was highlighted how stiff I was. And there's so much truth to that.
I totally realized how stifling certain things about marriage can be.  Women sometimes tend to take on a more conservative and reserved role. You try to blend in, and not be the center of attention (individually anyway). So its been tough to get out of that mode, and into center of attention mode to be frank.
Now by center of attention, I don't mean seeking it, or throwing yourself at people. I mean more like, when your going out, opting for that fun sexy dress, or sexy platform heels, or being a little coy, or flirty,Why not? I'm hoping the second time around (in marriage), I don't let go of that aspect of me.

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05-04-12

Embracing yourself. I got to admit, I am totally uncomfortable with my body, lol. I don't hate it, but one would think at this stage of the game, I would have embraced it, ravished and delighted in it. I'm going to actively put myself out there. Nothing crazy guys. But I'm going to wear more things that reveal more of my silhouette. I'm going to walk slowly (as slow as NY walking permits), head up, shoulders straight, and hips swinging. My friend gave me a challenge, to wink at a not so random dude. So no one in particular, but someone I'm totally attracted to. She's crazy, but I'm up for the challenge, whether it ends up in shameless rejection, or awkward staring and whispering... lmao

At least if anything awkward happens, I can always say "I was young, I was in my 20's.


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04-16-2012
I know she knows. That I'm not fond of asking. --- The Kooks
51- Hmm. That is a post on its on. I'm going to let some time go by, before I tell that one.


But all I have to say is: I'm 28 and I'm at the prime of my life. Things may never stand up this well. It's not time to settle. Not yet.

So lets talk friends. The older I get, the less inclined I am to make or keep friends. The very few I have, are more like family and hold a title beyond friends. So nowadays, I only want to be surrounded by my family, lol.

So I am settled in my PLACE! My first apartment solo. No help, just me. It feels really good. It's not furnished, but I love it. I spend most of my time in my Kitchen or bedroom.


One thing I noticed, is that people try to give a lot of freebies. Some have been really great steals (like a free TV, Awesome Saute Pan), and others just feel more like junk. So I'm now editing.

Dating- ok lol. I've started to think outside of the box. What does that mean. I dunno, I'm just open to more diversity in my life, ha. Can a sister holler at a White guy, or Korean. I'm just saying...

A couple of things I've begun to conquer :
Independence
My hair- I blew it out and flat ironed it. It came out pretty well. I have to say, although I'm not natural anymore, there were a lot of things that I learned about my hair and hair-care in general. Which I apply now.


Patience is a virtue. But only in certain aspects of my life :

Career
Family
Taxes

Everything else is subjective. If it does not directly affect me, then I don't have time for it.

Water- yuck. But I got to drink it, so I'm sucking it up.

Last thing. When you think outside of the box, strange things start to happen...

Random, but my little nephew. Crazy how time flies
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03-24-12
Hey Guys, So I've ended my Natural Hair Journey. And boy am I relieved. I gave it the good mans try, and am ready for something totally different. I might give it another go a few years down the line. 

But hey, it's a woman's prerogative.
Lesson of the year- Cut off all dead weight, this includes people.




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Hey... I will be 30, in a little less then a year and a half. I know I'm counting my chickens before they hatch, but God willing. I've had an awesome 28 years. I've learned things, still learning, and will continue to learn...

So I want to document my journey to thirty (LMAO, corny I know, the phrase that is). Rather then doing that whole, well I'm thirty here's what I've learned, I want to take you along with me. So at thirty we won't have to lament about the past, but will be fine tuning the future. Check in weekly on this stand alone page, for updates.

So shit that I have learned:

1. Gossip and rumors. Man I've so been a victim of this, as many of us have been once in our lives. But I rarely have taken the time to place myself in the other persons shoes, when I'm gossiping and spreading rumors. Yes ya'll. Words hurt, and our actions effect others, even when we don't intend for them to. So here's to me fixing that disgusting trait of mine. I want to apologize to those I've hurt. At the end of the day, I want to believe that my actions are always positive and uplifting, and never denigrating and hurtful. So here's to teaching this youngish doll new tricks.

2. You do not have to maintain acquaintances. You can cut people off at any time. Don't feel obligated to maintain dead weight.

3. The best shoes are the ones that look HOT, make your legs look like their long for days, and if you need to, allow you to dash for a New York cab, while that hottie watches you from behind in your pencil skirt and pumps. No tripping please, lol.

Marriage:

1. Oh boy.

2. There are two things that I got from mine, a Great pair of Manolo Blahniks, and I learned how to budget.

3. It's got to be with the right person. Not perfect (perfection does not exist)

4.  Be yourself , the right person will LOVE that!

Other:

1. Siblings are Awesome.  My sis  and I never got on growing up, but as adults, shes been my second mother. Nothing compares to having a sis and brother in the world.

2. Besties, holy shit. I have 2. I have two girlfriends that have always been team Chanda. Don't get me wrong, they let me know when I'm bugging. But they've just been so loyal, firm, classy, and true to themselves. I'm glad that I've realized this and value these friendships. They're both getting married this year, so 2012 is a busy Happy year. Gods blessings has hit my family! Love you both!

3. Anything worth doing is worth doing  RIGHT .

This year, you get to reinvent yourself, and be whoever you want to be!- Red Lip Campaign